Sarah vs the Kiss
by WillieGarvin
Summary: More than a drabble and less than a ficlet. I wrote this as therapy after watching the beach scene in the last episode. CHARAH. Lots of CHARAH. Happy to say that this story has been continued by my friend LetsGoRed in his submission Chuck and Sarah vs. the Hello. If you like this one (or even if you didn't) head over and read that one.


They wouldn't understand it until the next day, after they had talked with Ellie. She explained to them that memories were stored in the median temporal lobe, but emotions were centered in the amygdala.

"Chuck," Sarah said.

"Yeah?'

"Kiss me."

He smiled a tiny smile that for some reason made her warm inside. He leaned forward and gently kissed her. They lingered, kissing softly, both holding back. Nonetheless, it felt very comfortable to her, with the familiar frisson of sexual desire. Breaking the kiss, she laid her head on his shoulder and settled into his embrace.

"Did it work?", he asked.

She shook her head, no.

As she did so, a memory surfaced of kissing him before. In her mind's eye he was wearing a tuxedo and looked stunningly handsome. She was wearing white and he dipped her immediately after the kiss and nuzzled her neck. That memory was accompanied by a breathtaking feeling of pure joy.

And the floodgates opened. Five years' worth of feelings and emotions more powerful and intense than anything she had ever experienced hit Sarah in an instant, unaccompanied by memories. She gasped from shock and confusion and started to cry silently.

He held her and began to whisper, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry it didn't work. But..." Her hand ran up his chest and found his lips. She laid a gentle finger across them, silencing him.

The feelings were huge, overwhelming and terrifying. Even if not joined to memories, they were very real. Her immediate reaction was to flee from Chuck, to leave him, to run away and lose these feelings. She bucked in his arms and started to pull away. As soon as the thought of leaving Chuck came into her head she was struck by a deep and profound horror infinitely more terrifying than the feelings themselves. And she realized with shock that this is what he must be feeling, this horror. The idea that her behavior over the last few weeks had been the cause struck her with almost physical pain. She gave an agonized groan and cried even harder. Any thought of leaving Chuck vanished into the dustbin of her mind, never again to resurface. She stammered, "Chuck, I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm not leaving." She pressed herself against him and squeezed as if her life depended on it. He held her silently and lightly stroked her back.

What was she feeling? She felt safe, comfortable, happy - no, more than happiness, joy - all mixed up with intense sexual desire. There was something else there too. Something enormous binding it all together. Something that she had never, ever felt before. Love. Her chest hurt and she realized with a start that she wasn't breathing. She took a sudden huge breath, like a drowning woman might.

She had realized the most obvious thing in the world. After all, she had told herself this very thing only a few nights ago on the recording. She loved Chuck Bartowski. Really, really loved him. A lot. There was no frame of reference in her mind for what she was feeling, but it couldn't be denied. It only took an instant for her to compare this love to the feelings she had had for past boyfriends like Bryce. She smiled through her tears thinking of how little those men mattered to her compared to her husband.

At the same time, this love for Chuck scared her. It scared the hell out of her. Sure, there was the whole 'spies don't fall in love' thing, but she knew in her heart that that was bullshit. Of course, spies fell in love. They were human, for God's sake. The truth was that she had been so warped by her early life with her con artist father that she had built huge walls to defend her heart from ever falling in love. Adding to that, her job with the CIA had been the perfect excuse, the perfect fit. She didn't have to trust anyone, open up to anyone or linger anywhere. Short term relationships were easy and painless. Exactly what her father would have expected.

But now, here she was. Unquestionably in love with this man she didn't even remember. She heard her own voice saying "and I don't know what to do about it." She felt to her bones that she could trust him. She took a deep breath and decided to trust herself. She had damn well figured out what to do about it once already. She had married the man and planned to spend the rest of her life with him. If she had made that decision with all her memories intact, how could she do otherwise now?

Taking her head off his chest, his shirt now stained with her tears, she reached out for his face. She took it in both her hands and looked into those beautiful chocolate brown eyes and saw love and hope and fear. Still crying she said, "I love you, Chuck. I love you so much. I still can't remember, so I can't explain why I feel this way," she was laughing while crying, "but I really, really do. I've never felt this way about anyone else. Ever. And it terrifies me. I love you so much, I want to spend every minute of the rest of my life with you."

Crying himself, he grinned with delight and relief. Unable to hold back any longer, she launched herself at him and kissed him with ferocious passion. Passion that went on and on and on.

She had had sex many times in her life, but that night, in their bed, for the first time in her memory, she made love.


End file.
